I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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