4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im holly from the hills drunk
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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