Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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