I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
