i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
