Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
