I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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