we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
