you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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