He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
