You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
