I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
