I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize