the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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