Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
