what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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