Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
