my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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