he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
