People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone came in the potted fern
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
