I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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