im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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