we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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