I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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