Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
