My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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