glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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