im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
