I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His hands were made for my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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