I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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