She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
