that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am spending my child support on dildos
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize