Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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