I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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