I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
