So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize