Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
