talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
