remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
