The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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