What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
