Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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