I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
