Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
