You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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