So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
