I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
