is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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