What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
