Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
