I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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