In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
