at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drake has all the answers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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