Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
