I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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