Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
