you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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