This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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