Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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