tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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