Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
