I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I love you. Go after that dick
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