I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
