i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
