Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
