I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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