Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
