I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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