Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
