I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
