I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize