How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
