he thought i was a dude.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize