please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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